All Grown Up with so much still to learn...
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Sometimes it's still hard to believe how much has changed since high school. In some ways I am still that same girl who cares so much about her good friends, would be there for anything and expects the same of them, strongly holding to what's right and wrong, so sure about that shiny future. But there's no denying that I've changed. I'm a little less naive, a little more jaded, a lot more sure of myself but a lot less sure of the world, and a lot more accepting that life just isn't fair a lot of the time.
I thought I would always have time for friends and always put them first no matter what. Then I fell in love. I fell in love at a time where I also had a lot more bills to pay ( i.e tuition ), and a lot more effort for school. And it became impossible to balance everyone.
I guess I never thought it would happen to me, I just always thought that those girls who saw their friends less and less were just being stupid and selfish. And maybe they are a little and maybe I am too, who knows.
Being in a long term and serious relationship was that last thing I had left to experience. And when I did, it changed everything. It changed how I saw my priorities. It changed how I saw myself. It wasn't just about me and my life and anymore. It was my life and someone else's, which became one and in the same in a lot of ways. This of course has its ups and downs. Less freedom to do whatever the hell I please, but it also came with a constant comfort that I was never really alone.
I can see myself spending my life with Kevin. Whether we will or not, well, that's impossible to determine. But I know it could work if it's meant to work. We click and I honestly don't think I could share the same bond with anyone else.
I care about my friends absolutely as much as before. I've constantly wished that I had more time to see them. And there are a couple that I really want back as a huge part of my life, like Megs and Bessy and Em. But I know I have to settle for less because I know what's coming will likely be no different. School will still be absorbing my weekends and I will still have a job that I work nights and weekends. I've accepted this and I'm okay about it. That's life for a lot of people and the 9 to 5 Mon/Fri ideal is much more rare. Besides, I like working some nights. As long as we keep in touch and try to get together as much as possible, it will be enough.
Because I'm not a high school kid anymore. It's not just my relationship, and never has been. There's all the stuff that takes away my time - work and school and studying. And I understand when my friends are too busy as well. I wouldn't have two years ago, but now I realize that we aren't kids anymore and can't hang out the way we used to as kids.
Kevin and I are planning on moving in together at the end of the school year. A big step, but really not so huge. We pretty well live together anyways, minus the sleeping together.
I know that things can change at the drop of a dime. Maybe someday Kevin and I will be a family. Maybe someday we'll separate ( I hope not though).
The one thing I've noticed about these past couple of years is how absolutely secure I am in myself. I have the life I want, although it's not perfect in the least.
Things I have done since high school :
Completed two years of university
Gone through four different jobs ( Zellers, Parks, Photloab, Bakery)
Quit my favorite job
First real relationship
Complete loss of four of my best high school friends
Painful letting go of my closest friend on my own
Making another group of friends, although not the same
Keeping two of my other best high school friends, although slightly distanced
Let go of my virginity
Stopped believing in Christianity
Changed carreer direction at least five times
Got my own room
All of this has made me a different person. Less trusting, but not less hopeful. I've completely moved on from losing the old friends and I feel nothing towards it.
Here's to becoming an adult. I am on my way.
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Sometimes it's still hard to believe how much has changed since high school. In some ways I am still that same girl who cares so much about her good friends, would be there for anything and expects the same of them, strongly holding to what's right and wrong, so sure about that shiny future. But there's no denying that I've changed. I'm a little less naive, a little more jaded, a lot more sure of myself but a lot less sure of the world, and a lot more accepting that life just isn't fair a lot of the time.
I thought I would always have time for friends and always put them first no matter what. Then I fell in love. I fell in love at a time where I also had a lot more bills to pay ( i.e tuition ), and a lot more effort for school. And it became impossible to balance everyone.
I guess I never thought it would happen to me, I just always thought that those girls who saw their friends less and less were just being stupid and selfish. And maybe they are a little and maybe I am too, who knows.
Being in a long term and serious relationship was that last thing I had left to experience. And when I did, it changed everything. It changed how I saw my priorities. It changed how I saw myself. It wasn't just about me and my life and anymore. It was my life and someone else's, which became one and in the same in a lot of ways. This of course has its ups and downs. Less freedom to do whatever the hell I please, but it also came with a constant comfort that I was never really alone.
I can see myself spending my life with Kevin. Whether we will or not, well, that's impossible to determine. But I know it could work if it's meant to work. We click and I honestly don't think I could share the same bond with anyone else.
I care about my friends absolutely as much as before. I've constantly wished that I had more time to see them. And there are a couple that I really want back as a huge part of my life, like Megs and Bessy and Em. But I know I have to settle for less because I know what's coming will likely be no different. School will still be absorbing my weekends and I will still have a job that I work nights and weekends. I've accepted this and I'm okay about it. That's life for a lot of people and the 9 to 5 Mon/Fri ideal is much more rare. Besides, I like working some nights. As long as we keep in touch and try to get together as much as possible, it will be enough.
Because I'm not a high school kid anymore. It's not just my relationship, and never has been. There's all the stuff that takes away my time - work and school and studying. And I understand when my friends are too busy as well. I wouldn't have two years ago, but now I realize that we aren't kids anymore and can't hang out the way we used to as kids.
Kevin and I are planning on moving in together at the end of the school year. A big step, but really not so huge. We pretty well live together anyways, minus the sleeping together.
I know that things can change at the drop of a dime. Maybe someday Kevin and I will be a family. Maybe someday we'll separate ( I hope not though).
The one thing I've noticed about these past couple of years is how absolutely secure I am in myself. I have the life I want, although it's not perfect in the least.
Things I have done since high school :
Completed two years of university
Gone through four different jobs ( Zellers, Parks, Photloab, Bakery)
Quit my favorite job
First real relationship
Complete loss of four of my best high school friends
Painful letting go of my closest friend on my own
Making another group of friends, although not the same
Keeping two of my other best high school friends, although slightly distanced
Let go of my virginity
Stopped believing in Christianity
Changed carreer direction at least five times
Got my own room
All of this has made me a different person. Less trusting, but not less hopeful. I've completely moved on from losing the old friends and I feel nothing towards it.
Here's to becoming an adult. I am on my way.
