Letting Go
I was reading an old friend's post about how she misses Grade 12 and the prom and all of that jazz, and other friends commented on how they did as well, but you know what ? I realized reading that post today that ...well, to be honest, I don't. I don't miss Grade 12 and I don't reminisce anymore about lost friends , lost times, and all that jazz. Grade 12 was a time and I have some good memories, but I don't live in them anymore. I live here. So many people I never saw again after graduation, so many friends I drifted apart from. Did I care ? Hmm. For a while , I suppose. But then I just thought about them less and less and somewhere down the line I got to the point where I just didn't connect. I love the past, well parts of it at least, but I wouldn't want to go back and live it again. I'm here now, just doing what I'm doing now. And it's enough.
And so. In six weeks, Kevin and I will celebrate our one year anniversary. One year. A year I've shared with someone else. It's been a nice year. Lots of wonderful times, a few hard times too.
I've learned a lot about love this past year. And I've learned about a side of myself I hadn't known too much about before.
I've grown very comfortable with myself and I find I don't need anyone else's approval with it either. I'm not an image and I'm not trying to be one anymore either. When I hear other people bragging about their wonderful relationships or how hot their guy or girl is, how hard they get everyone to notice that they have a relationship, I ...I just don't understand, I guess. I don't feel the need to do it. The whole romance image has never dont it for me. I just don't give a shit about diamonds and jewellery and well toned bodies and fancy weddings and "meeting the parents" and " love at first sight" and "made for each other" encounters and all that pomp and nonsense. I've never felt any substance in any of that stuff. To me that kind of romance is more about showing off the romance to the family or friends or anyone who will listen than actually living for the love. I guess for some people that stuff really does matter, and well, maybe it works for them, I don't know. But I've always thought that if you focus on those things too much then you stop focusing on the actual relationship - the stuff you do when noone's around, the stuff noone has to know about but the two of you. And that romance image stuff slowly erodes away over time. I've always seen relationships more as a commitment - something you are constantly putting in and taking out of, and I don't mean money or "stuff" either. I mean love. The little things you do for each other that are just for each other - the little things you do that you don't feel the need to brag to others about because it's something you share with each other and noone else. Loving each other and not basing that love by what anyone else thinks of it. Finding each other beautiful and not needing a general consensus that yup your guy or girl is hot - it's enough that you think so. Loving the little things about each other that noone else knows about. And above all not trying to live a romance movie or a fairytale, but just living your life with each other. It just kind of bothers me that people make such a big deal of the other kind of love and the love that means most gets no credit. And who knows ? Maybe the romance story love turns into the other love or something, I can't say - everyone has a different love story. But I think that kind takes away from the stuff that really matters.
And so. In six weeks, Kevin and I will celebrate our one year anniversary. One year. A year I've shared with someone else. It's been a nice year. Lots of wonderful times, a few hard times too.
I've learned a lot about love this past year. And I've learned about a side of myself I hadn't known too much about before.
I've grown very comfortable with myself and I find I don't need anyone else's approval with it either. I'm not an image and I'm not trying to be one anymore either. When I hear other people bragging about their wonderful relationships or how hot their guy or girl is, how hard they get everyone to notice that they have a relationship, I ...I just don't understand, I guess. I don't feel the need to do it. The whole romance image has never dont it for me. I just don't give a shit about diamonds and jewellery and well toned bodies and fancy weddings and "meeting the parents" and " love at first sight" and "made for each other" encounters and all that pomp and nonsense. I've never felt any substance in any of that stuff. To me that kind of romance is more about showing off the romance to the family or friends or anyone who will listen than actually living for the love. I guess for some people that stuff really does matter, and well, maybe it works for them, I don't know. But I've always thought that if you focus on those things too much then you stop focusing on the actual relationship - the stuff you do when noone's around, the stuff noone has to know about but the two of you. And that romance image stuff slowly erodes away over time. I've always seen relationships more as a commitment - something you are constantly putting in and taking out of, and I don't mean money or "stuff" either. I mean love. The little things you do for each other that are just for each other - the little things you do that you don't feel the need to brag to others about because it's something you share with each other and noone else. Loving each other and not basing that love by what anyone else thinks of it. Finding each other beautiful and not needing a general consensus that yup your guy or girl is hot - it's enough that you think so. Loving the little things about each other that noone else knows about. And above all not trying to live a romance movie or a fairytale, but just living your life with each other. It just kind of bothers me that people make such a big deal of the other kind of love and the love that means most gets no credit. And who knows ? Maybe the romance story love turns into the other love or something, I can't say - everyone has a different love story. But I think that kind takes away from the stuff that really matters.
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